


(i like the way you turn me) inside out

by jeyjeyjetplane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sirius Black/Remus Lupin - Freeform, Lily and James must have been friends at Hogwarts, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes - Freeform, Mutual Pining, Overuse of cheesy nicknames, Pining, They were at war! The class was close!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 00:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13492794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeyjeyjetplane/pseuds/jeyjeyjetplane
Summary: "Mary and Peter like to joke that they're like magnets, constantly aware of where the other one is in relation to themselves."Lily and James have been friends since their first year. And then Lily turns sixteen and starts to see James in a whole new light.





	(i like the way you turn me) inside out

“Oi! Evans! Wait up! Stop moving so fast!” James pushed through the crowded corridor, shouting loudly after her. Lily didn’t seem hear him, or was, at least, ignoring his pleas for her to wait for him. He shoved forward, much to the chagrin of his peers who threw him dirty looks as he all but pushed them out of his way. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lil!” 

Lily Evans was twirling a bit of her hair that had fallen out of her bun between her fingers, humming slightly to herself as she walked back toward Gryffindor Tower. Her movements slowed a little as she felt him get closer to her, body completely aware of where he was in relation to her. Almost too aware.  _ Had been since fifth year... _

 

She remembered her sixteenth birthday fondly. Her friends had somehow snuck a cake up from the kitchens, and the boys threw her a party in the Common Room. Sometime around midnight, she ended up sitting in Sirius Black’s lap with Marlene playing with her hair, drunk off her face and laughing to some weird comedy routine Remus and Peter were attempting to perform for the entirety of Gryffindor Tower (at least all of the fifth, sixth, and seventh years). James and Dorcas were on the couch across from them, and Lily remembers her giggles catching in her throat at the sight of James with his head thrown back in laughter, glasses askew on his nose. The position caused his shirt to strain across his chest, one that was naturally starting to broaden with age and sport, though still thin. As he continued to laugh, a hand moved to his hair and he shook it out.  _ What if that was my hand.. _ . A warmth started to spread in her stomach at the thought.  _ What if I was the one tugging at his hair? _ She snapped her eyes away from James, cheeks turning red. Marlene tugged a little at her hair and Lily turned her head to look up at her, only to be met with a suspicious smile and raised eyebrows. If it was possible, her face turned redder. 

Not long after, she was being moved from Sirius’s lap (“Excuse me, Lily of the Valley, I have to go collect Remus now so he will stop acting like an idiot just because he got drunk once!” “Oi, excuse you, Sirius Black, as if I haven’t had to pick you up off the floor more than once!” a very drunk Remus shouted from his position, lying prone on the floor) and deposited onto James’s. Dorcas had long ago distracted Marlene, yanking her away from Lily and into one of the arm chairs by the fire for some light snogging. 

“James!” Lily exclaimed as she was all but dropped onto him, legs tossed unceremoniously over his lap. “James, you’re here!”

“Lil, I’ve been here all night, darling.”

“Right. I know. But now you’re here!” She gestured to his position under her with confidence. 

James laughed, shaking Lily slightly. Without thinking, her hands gripped onto his shoulders to steady herself. Her cheeks burned after a moment, and she let her hands fall into her lap. James didn’t seem to notice, instead wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her from falling down. “You having fun, Evans?”

He was smiling widely at her, hazel eyes bright. The warmth in her stomach appeared again. She pushed it down, returned his smile. “Course I am!” She snuggled closer, inhaling deeply as his scent surrounded her - laundry and soap and boy. “Thanks for doing all of this for me.”

“It was all Sirius. He is especially fond of you, love.” 

“Of course he is, why wouldn’t he be?” The hand that had been around her waist made its way to her hair, stroking softly. He tucked her head beneath his chin, forcing her to cuddle into his chest completely. 

This wasn’t new for them, the occasional snuggle. Friends since the first week of first year, when she sassed him in front of the whole of their Transfiguration class for making fun of her hair (he called her a carrot top and she immediately told him that at least she knew how to use a hairbrush without her mother’s help) (he followed her out of class to apologize and she insisted that he would have to come up with better insults if they were going to be friends), James and Lily had spent the majority of their Hogwarts years with each other, leaning on each other. (Their lives had run parallel, so it seemed: she excelled at Charms and Potions, he was an ace at Ancient Runes and Transfiguration; she made Prefect, he became Quidditch Captain; she was singled out for her intuition, he was commended for his resourcefulness. Every time one of them achieved something, the other did as well.) They were not as close as James and Sirius - who had taken to telling everyone that they were twins at one point their second year and still sometimes insisted on it when they were drunk, despite not looking even remotely similar - but neither James nor Lily seemed to feel comfortable unless the other was in their sight. Mary and Peter liked to joke that the two were like magnets - always aware of the other even if they weren’t necessarily near each other; when one made a move, the other adjusted to remain in sync. They were mates,  _ best mates _ , and what was a cuddle between mates?

Apparently, a lot. Too much for Lily Jane Evans.

Lily’s heart sped up as she felt James’ fingers brush through her hair and down her back. She prayed that he wouldn’t somehow feel it, somehow know that she was having such a strange reaction to something so commonplace to the two of them as a drunk cuddle. 

“You are pretty fantastic, Lily.”

She huffed a laugh, forcing her eyes to watch a group of sixth year boys attempt to dance to ABBA instead of letting them slip closed. “Like I need you to tell me that.”

“Don’t go getting a big head now.”

“Why shouldn’t I? I am so much wiser now...so much older.”

“Sirius has been sixteen for months, Lil.”

“I’m still older than you.”

“By less than two months.”

“Two months you’ll never have over me.”

“Oh right, how could I ever forget? Lily Evans, always wiser, more mature.”

She pulled away to she could meet his eyes. She held them for a second, narrowing hers before sticking her tongue out at him. He laughed, shaking her again. Her mouth went dry, and she forced herself to look away, to get up and join the people dancing as to get away from James and whatever was happening to her. It addled her drunk brain, this sudden change in her reactions.  _ For God’s sake, it’s just James.  _

She felt his eyes return to her all night as he spoke with people, watching her, checking on her. Around four am, she fell back onto the couch, head in his lap, smiling sleepily up at him. Sirius and Remus were cuddled up at the foot of the couch, Remus dozing slightly on his friend’s shoulder. Peter had retreated to the dorm long ago, after a crushing defeat in Gobstones at the hands of one Marlene McKinnon. In celebration, Marlene had whisked her girlfriend off to bed for a well-deserved “rest” (or snog). Only a few people remained, chatting and drinking the last of the spiked butterbeers that Remus had gotten his hands on somehow.

“Ready to go to bed, Lils?” She hummed in response, shaking her head as she turned her body away from him and closed her eyes. She felt his hand return to her hair, petting slowly. She tried to ignore it. “C’mon, love. Up we go.” She shook her head again in protest, snuggling harder. 

“Can’t move.”

“You’ll feel better in a bed.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Lily, let’s go.” She turned over again, cracking one eye open to glare up at him. He was looking down at her, amused smirk on his face. 

“Fine,” she said after a moment of eye contact, lifting her arms so he could shift her into his own and carry her, devious smile on her face. 

With a sigh, he did as she intended, heaving himself off the couch with her in his arms. She laughed merrily at the unsteady movement. He grunted, playing at enormous effort. “You’re getting too heavy for this, Evans.”

“No, I’m not. Not for a big strong manly man like you.” She fake swooned, tossing her head back dramatically. This caused him to dip a little, then have to overcorrect to steady them. “James Potter, my hero.”

He shook his head, laughing at her and rolling his eyes. “Is it even worth me trying to get you to behave?”

“Course not. Why would I want to do that? It’s my birthday, I get to be as terrible as I want.” 

“You’re already a menace on a regular basis; how can you possibly get worse?”

She smacked his arm weakly. He didn’t seem to notice as he walked them to the stairs. She smiled to herself, snuggling into his chest once again. He climbed the stairs to his dormitory, depositing her carefully in his bed and tucking her in. Lily stretched indulgently, burying herself in his soft, champagne-colored sheets. 

“G’night, Calla Lily. Happy birthday,” he said as he slid into bed next to her, still in his party clothes. 

“Night, Jay. Love you,” she mumbled, eyes closed, half-asleep already. 

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her, warm and comfortable. “Love you too.”

Her heart skipped a beat as he pulled her in tighter and fell asleep.  _ Oh no… _

  
  


Ever since that party, she could barely look at James without blushing a little. She trained herself to prepare for his arrivals, as to not be caught off guard by the way his smile lit up his entire face when he saw her. She made herself smile as he told her about a girl he might fancy, and told herself that it wasn’t a big deal when he singled her out to study with, or chose her to be his partner in classes. 

Because it wasn’t a big deal - they were mates. Best mates. And best mates spent time together, and had deep conversations.  _ Best mates don’t look at each other the way you look at James though.  _ Almost two years had passed, and she still felt the heat pool in her stomach when he skimmed a hand down her arm, felt her heart skip a beat when he ruffled her hair. 

Lily slowed her pace more, allowing James to catch up with her. He dropped an arm over her shoulder, inadvertently tucking her into his side. 

“Damn, Evans. In a rush?”

“Just thinking. Wasn’t clocking my pace.”

“You should have been. World record times, I’m sure of it. Jeez.” James dramatically pretended to catch his breath, hand squeezing her shoulder. “You alright?”

“Yeah, ‘course. Was an interesting lesson.”

James looked down at her skeptically. “Learning about a Charm you’ve known how to do since fourth year constitutes as interesting to you?” 

“Going back to basics is never a bad thing, James!” Flitwick had said something along that vein when he started class that day; even NEWT Charms kids needed to have a solid base. Immediately, Lily zoned out, copying the notes as they appeared on the board and not even remotely listening to her favourite professor. 

James rolled his eyes at her answer, but let the subject drop as he steered her outside and into the biting late September sun. Immediately, he started in on a story about Sirius and Peter blowing up a toilet while trying to get away from Filch the night before. Lily didn’t seem to notice the new location as she let him lead her through the grounds, laughing at his surely dramatized reenactment of the toilet event. Her chest tightened at the continued weight of his arms across her shoulders, the feeling of his body pressed against her side lightly. Every part of her felt like it was on fire, and her eyes lingered on his face, skimming down his cheekbones to his jaw, while he spoke, gesticulating wildly with the arm not wrapped tightly around her. 

The two Heads ended up at the Quidditch pitch, something that Lily should have found surprising but somehow didn’t. She felt his body relax as they reached the grass, and he promptly released her to lay on the expansive lawn. After a moment, he patted the ground next to him. Daintily, Lily dropped down next to him, tucking her feet beside her and watching him close his eyes, face lifted to the sun.  _ Beautiful. _

She waited for him to start talking, aware that he had dragged her to the Quidditch pitch because it was a place that comforted him; something was on his mind. When he didn’t, she interceded. “Alright, Jamie. Spill.”

He made a face, still not looking at her. “What do you mean?”

“Wanna tell me what’s up, buttercup?”

His face turned completely away from her. There were a few pieces of grass sticking to the back of his head. She leaned over to pull them out, running her fingers through the dark locks indulgently a few times while she waited. 

“It’s Mum. She wrote yesterday,” he started. She sat back, hands folded in her lap, as he turned his head again, opened his eyes to look at her, and began…

 

Two months later, they’re sitting in the Heads’ office, which was really more of a closet off the Prefect’s lounge on the fifth floor than anything. James had his hands buried in his hair, now long enough that the ends touch his ear lobes, Lily noted. The two of them were stuck reading through prefect reports from the last few weeks, something they both dreaded doing and put off as long as possible. For Lily, it was because she could never seem to remember to keep the points sheets properly balanced, despite her best efforts, James because he hated having to assign detentions when they were recommended. 

Tonight, it was even worse, because not only could Lily not focus on the points sheets, she couldn’t even remember what she had just read. Every few minutes, James would make a sound in the back of his throat, or ruffle his hair, or stretch his arms above his head and distract her again. 

After about a half hour of this, she had had enough. He was rolling his shoulders out, moaning a bit as he pushed into the muscle where his neck met his back. Lily’s face turned hot, eyes snapping up to lock on his hands kneading at the tan flesh there. His long fingers pressed and pulled and rubbed, and she felt her entire body stand at attention as she watched him, enthralled. James made another noise at the back of his throat and she let out a slight whimper. 

As if shocked, James whipped around, eyes immediately concerned. She dropped her gaze quickly, embarrassed that he caught her staring, at the heat in the pit of her stomach, at the way that she couldn’t look away for too long. 

“Are you okay, Lily?”

“Yeah, just….stabbed myself with my quill.”  _ What the absolute fuck, Lil? _

He chuckled a little. “Why am I not surprised?”

“You know me, clumsy Lily.”

He watched her for a minute, eyes narrowing. “Right. Do you wanna take a break? My neck is killing me from sitting like this, and I could really use some food.”

“Dinner was over about an hour ago, James.”

“Oh. Well...kitchens then?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Kitchens then.” He hopped up like an excited child at her agreement, kissing her quickly on the cheek with a sloppy “MUAH” before starting to gather his stuff up. 

“Not planning on coming back? Thought this was only a break,” she said dryly, moving to pack up as well.

“As if you would want to come back. You’re bored silly!”

“That’s not true!”

“You’ve been staring at the same report from Zelda Hopkirk for about twenty minutes.”

“She wrote a lot! I was trying to decipher content from her small print.”

“Sure, Lily. And I wasn’t planning Quidditch plays in my head the whole time.”

She gasped, feigning shock. “How dare! You shouldn’t be so distractible, James Potter! And such a bad example.”

“Yeah, yeah, yuck it up, Lilybean. Because you are just the picture of propriety.”

“I resent that.”

“Don’t let Benjy Fenwick hear you say that.”

Lily glared up at him from her seated position. “What’s that got to do with anything? Benjy and I dated in fifth year! That was forever ago. For Merlin’s sake, he doesn’t even go here anymore!” 

James laughed mechanically, leaning over to ruffle her hair. “I know, you nutter. I’m just riling you up. Breaking you out of your Prefect mode.”  _ Never entered, thanks to you and your damn shoulders. _ “Plus, you’re cute when you’re all huffy.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she mumbled, unable to meet his eyes for more than a moment. A shit-eating grin dominated his face, making his eyes shine behind his glasses. 

“Now, let’s get me some food! I’m thinking a good Beef Wellington. Maybe some potatoes. Think I can convince Frannie to make me some?”

Lily stood, placing her papers in a neat pile on the desk James had just been sitting at. “About as easily as you could convince Dumbledore to tap-dance down the corridors to the Weird Sisters.”

“So...pretty easily then?” 

Lily laughed, punching his shoulder lightly as she walked by, shutting the lights off then she followed him out. He was waiting for her just outside, bouncing on his toes, bag thrown over his shoulder. Without asking, he took hers as well, turning to walk as he blathered on about “Celestina Warbeck being a better bet - I think Dumbledore actually likes her better.” Lily followed closely, not allowing herself to think as he talked himself through choreography for his apparent tap dance with both Dumbledore and McGonagall. 

She laughed to herself, watching James’s eyes as he ran through endless jokes about his professors’ dance abilities.  _ He just makes it so easy to love him. _

_ Wait. _

_ Love? _

She pushed the thought away, instead taking long strides to catch up to him fully, placing her hand in his. The two walked like that, casually, nonchalantly, and Lily’s palms started to sweat a little because  _ what had she been thinking? _ James just continued to chatter, now having moved on to whether or not Remus and Sirius should get a dog when they left Hogwarts, something he found immensely funny to think about. Lily rolled her eyes at him goodnaturedly, adding to the discussion with her own determination of the pros and cons of big dogs vs small. James laughed at her, and it was delicious to hear.  _ I want to be bury myself in that sound _ . 

They reached the kitchens and Frannie very quickly turned them away, small hands planted on her hips. 

“Winnie says no more James Potter in the kitchens! I’m sorry, Mr James, but the rules are the rules and if Winnie says no, then Frannie also has to say no.” 

“Frannie, darling,” James started. “Are you sure?”

The house elf seemed to think this over for a second, as if it was a compelling argument. 

“I’m sure. Winnie says no.”

Lily piped up. “What about me? Did Winnie ban me too?”

Frannie blinked up at her. “ Oh, no, Miss Lily! You can come in if you want! Frannie will make you something to eat! What do you want?”

Lily pretended to think it over. “Hmm...well, how about some Beef Wellington. Maybe some potatoes?” She winked cheekily at James, who just shook his head at her, eyes alight with mirth. 

Frannie herself seemed conflicted. “It’s awful late, Miss. Maybe I can get you some extras from dinner?”

Lily smiled down at their friend. “That would be lovely, Frannie. And maybe some for my pal Jamesie over here?” Frannie looked suspicious, but nodded quickly, disappearing into the massive kitchens. 

Lily turned to James, triumphant. 

“Jamesie? Really?”

“That’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Sure, pet. Whatever you say.”

“What? I’m not allowed to have nicknames for you?” she teased, smile playing at the corner of her lips. 

“Not stupid ones.”

“Your friends call you Prongs.”

“Thats cool!”

“That’s the very definition of lame.”

Very maturely, he stuck his tongue out at her before pulling her in, messing up her hair in its braid. “Yeah, kid? I’d like to see you come up with something better.” 

She pushed him away, smiling wickedly up at him. “Is that a challenge?”

“Obviously.”

Her heart fluttered in her chest at the look in his eye. Words tumbled to the tip of her tongue  _ I could spend forever _ and she had to actively stop them from coming out, revealing her secret. 

“You’re on.”

  
  


The words were already forming in her mouth before she could think, desperate to tumble from her lips and be released into the world  _ James I love you. Please say you love me too. _

They seemed burned into her brain, and she thought them to herself constantly. He would laugh in the hall at something Remus said, and they were there, waiting. He would smile crookedly at her over their Defense books, and she was sure her eyes were screaming them. He would help a first year, and she would would feel them form on her mouth. Once, he sneezed, and she thought she would burst with it. The need to just lean over and whisper it, shout it on the Quidditch pitch after a game, sigh it into his lips late at night after rounds consumed her. 

And so, here she sat, in the back of their NEWT Transfiguration class in early December, watching him doodle on his parchment. Every once in a while, Mary would elbow Lily from her seat beside her, scowling at her to pay attention, and she would snap out of it, and try to tune in to what McGonagall was saying. It would work for about a minute before she would zone out again, staring at the back of his head. Every twitch of the muscles in his forearms, every tap of his long fingers against his thigh, every stretch of his back, muscles rolling beneath the sweater he wore, was carefully noted in her fucked up, distracted, heartsick brain. 

“Really, Lily? It’s getting a little pathetic,” Mary said later as they walked to lunch. Marlene and Dorcas walked in front of them, hands clasped.  _ Show offs _ . 

“I don’t know what youre talking about, Mary.”

Mary rolled her eyes, flipping her long, brown hair over her shoulder. “I don’t know why you don’t just tell him. He definitely likes you too.”

“We are just friends, Mary.”

“Friends don’t stare at other friends for the entirely of their lessons.”

“There was something on his back. I was trying to figure out what it was.”

“Lil, that was the hole in his shirt you were trying to burn with your eyes.”

“Dont be crass,” Lily replied, cheeks reddening. 

“Wouldn’t have to be if you would just tell him.”

“There’s nothing to tell. Honestly. We are just best mates.”

“And I’m the Prime Minister.” 

“Shame, always thought you were destined for great things.” Mary shoved her, laughed out a “prat” in her direction, and, thankfully, dropped the subject. 

  
  


Unsurprisingly, the dreams started pretty quickly after she discovered her feelings for him in fifth year. At first they were innocent enough: kisses and soft smiles, a few about marriage, one that involved the two of them holding hands and walking down the corridors while Dumbledore and Professor Slughorn shouted at them about their Herbology final from the ceiling. Nothing too risqué, just enough for her to remember them the next day and be annoyed at her subconscious.

Lately, though, they had taken on a new theme…

 

Lily lay back on the pillows of what must have been her fantasy version of his bed in Gryffindor Tower, head thrown back as his mouth nipped and sucked it’s way down her neck. His teeth ran lightly against the column of her throat before biting down hard on the soft skin of her shoulder, causing her to gasp. One of his hands, previously pressing her hips down into the soft bed, roamed up her side, thumb just barely brushing the underside of her exposed breast before settling in her hair, pulling her mouth back to his. The other moved downward, caressing the outside of her thigh and hitching her leg up and around his waist. His hips ground down into hers, making her moan into his mouth, and his grip on her leg tightened. 

Her own hands were sliding down the muscles in his back, pale and freckled compared to his tanned skin, nails scratching lightly. She pressed her hips up into his for a moment, chasing the little twist of heat in the pit of her stomach, wanting  _ something anything  _ as the bare skin of his chest slid over hers. Inexplicably, she shivered at the friction, nipples hardening against the muscle of his chest. She arched her back wantonly, pressing herself closer to him. When he didn’t seem to get the hint, Lily tried again, this time sliding her hands up until they were buried in his hair, tugging a little to change the angle of their mouths to something much dirtier, deepening the kiss. James groaned into her mouth.  

She bit down on his bottom lip and rolled her hips again, a third time, and he pulled away from her completely. Lily whined at the loss of contact, again chasing his mouth. Her eyes fluttered open when he didn’t return, annoyed at the teasing. 

He was sitting back on his knees, watching her with focused eyes, for once not hidden by his glasses. 

“Lily,” he started. His voice was deep and hard, his pupils blown wide.

“Yes?”  _ pleasepleasepleaseplease _

He stared at her for another moment, studying her for any sign of rejection. She blinked up at him, mouth swollen and panting, open.  _ Please. _

“Yes,” she breathed out in response to the question that lingered there between them.

He nodded once before diving down, hands hot around her waist, pulling her up to meet his mouth. She let out a shocked gasp at the sudden movement that quickly melted into a moan. This time the kisses were rough, needy, and she revelled in it. When he pushed her down into the bed, he was right there against her immediately, rough, calloused palms roaming down to her legs, fingers playing with the scrap of lace that she only vaguely recognised as her underwear. 

“James,” she murmured, pulling away slightly. His lips moved to her jaw as she spoke, leaving feather-light kisses along the flushed skin. 

“Yeah, love?”

“If you don’t touch me right now, I swear to God, I...” Her words died in her throat, replaced by a breathy moan as he sucked lightly on the skin behind her ear.

He laughed at her, but before she knew it, he was sliding her panties off her hips and down her legs. His mouth trailing kisses from her neck, over her chest and down her stomach. Lily pushed herself up onto her elbows to look at him, dark hair getting closer and closer to the juncture between her thighs. Her hips opened, legs falling the the side, leaving space for him to settle there.  

“Alright?” He tilted his face up, locking eyes with her, a slight smirk on his kiss-bruised lips. She nodded quickly, earnest, eyes wide, watching him. His hands moved up the back of her thighs and to her hips, holding her down as his mouth pressed a kiss to the skin right below her belly button. She let herself fall back, moaning slightly, anticipating. His hands slid down again, fingers splayed across her thighs and she shut her eyes, already shaking as his mouth - his sweet, delicious, scarily talented mouth - hovered over her, nose nudging the soft skin of her inner thigh.  _ Finally _ …

“Lily?” 

The redhead turned toward her name, opening her eyes slightly. The early morning sun was filtering in through the white curtains of the seventh year Gryffindor girls’ dorm, casting shadows on the floor. Dorcas sat on the edge of her own bed next to Lily’s, eyebrows furrowed. “Are you alright, Lil? You were tossing in your sleep again.” 

She was right; Lily’s sleep had been too obviously restless. The deep red comforter, usually pulled up to her shoulders, was kicked down to the end of the bed. Her tan sheets were pooled around her hips, and the Gryffindor Quidditch kit she was wearing, one of James’ from fifth year that he had since outgrown, was rucked up around her ribs, revealing her pale, freckled stomach and the fact that the only other article of clothing she was wearing was her underwear. Sheepishly, Lily met Dorcas’s eyes, pulling the shirt back to cover herself. 

“Yeah, Dora. I’m alright. Just a dream.” As soon as she said it, her face heated up. Immediately, Dorcas’s eyebrows relaxed and a smile spread over her face. 

“A dream, huh? What kind of dream?”

“I had a dream I had better mates. Less nosy. Much nicer,” she said, pulling her blankets back up around her and turning away from her friend. 

“You dirty girl! You been having sweet dreams, little Lilyflower? Tsk, tsk! And what would our Head Boy say?”

“He would tell you to leave me alone to sleep.” 

“He would probably jump you right there, Slaggy.” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “He would not. We are just friends.” 

“Mhm. Yet you just had a naughty dream about him,” Dorcas said, climbing onto the bed beside her. 

“I did not.” 

“Lily, I really don’t know why you’re fighting this so hard.” 

“I’m not! You’re just convinced something is there that just isn’t.” 

“Do you love him?”

“Of course I do! He’s my best mate.” 

“You know what I mean.”

Lily turned back over. Dorcas was sitting on the end of the bed, legs crossed, eyes glued to Lily’s face. Her face was set to be annoyed, but there was an amused glint in her eyes. 

“Dorcas. Please.”

“Friendship is the best base for love! Look at Remus and Sirius. Look at me and Marley!”

“It’s just not going to happen with us. I know that. Please don’t push it.” 

Dorcas pouted for moment before she let her body relax. “Fine. I’ll let it go. You’re being an idiot, but I’ll let it go.”

“Thank you.” 

Dorcas shook her head, getting up off Lily’s bed. “Marley and Mary are waiting for us in the Common room to go down to breakfast. Hurry before Marlene comes up here to bother you. I can only hold her off for so long.” 

“Thanks, Dora,” Lily said, snuggling down into her covers. 

Dorcas watched her critically, sighing after a minute when Lily still didn’t get up. “Your funeral.” 

“I’ll push you down the stairs,” Lily grumbled, face pressed into the pillow. 

“No you won’t. Let’s go.” 

  
  


The Gryffindor Common room was glittering; somehow, the Prefects had gotten the house elves to put up three different Christmas trees, each decorated in white lights and red ribbon. Sirius has been bragging all day about the mistletoe he has Charmed to float around the room, and it had already caught four unsuspecting pairs of students, which raised his spirits exponentially. Lily sat with Mary on one of the couches by the fire, sipping mulled wine and watching the third years try to sneak spiked butterbeer from the punch bowl Remus set up in the corner. Every time they tried it, it zapped them, which they all found hilarious for some reason. Lily rolled her eyes as Mary egged them on, appealing to their Gryffindor pride - “keep trying! Maybe this time!”

“They’re idiots, Mare. Why encourage it?”

“That’s why it’s so funny! Look at them shake!” Mary laughed heartily, spilling a little of her own wine. Lily quickly Vanished it before it stained the carpet below them, watching her friend warily. 

“Alright, love?”

“Lily, it’s hilarious! Where’s your Christmas spirit?”

“I’m plenty spirited!”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Lily, it’s a party. You’ve had one mug of wine. What’s the deal?”

“I’m fine!” Lily insisted, forcing her face to smile, albeit a little too widely. Her cheeks were starting to hurt. “I promise.” 

Mary sighed. “This is sad, Lil,” she said. “Just go talk to him.” 

“Mary, I can’t. Besides, he’s busy.”  _ With Emma Vance.  _

As if on cue, James’ laugh rang out through the room, and Lily visibly stiffened, forcing herself to not immediately turn to look. Mary glanced quickly over Lily’s shoulder, shaking her head slowly as she brought her eyes back to Lily. 

“He doesn’t like her.”

“She makes him laugh.”

“You make him laugh.” 

“She’s pretty. And knows it.” 

“So are you!” 

“Not like that. All short and skinny and booby.” Lily looked down at her long legs, pulling them tighter under her body. “Besides, I’m like his little sister. He wouldn’t see me like that even if I was pretty.” 

“Lily, wasn’t it like three days ago that you came down for breakfast wearing his old Quidditch shirt?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So,” she emphasized. “Emma Vance isn’t wearing his clothes.” 

“That’s different! It’s an old one that doesn’t fit him anymore!”

“He couldn’t stop looking at you in it.”

“Probably thought I had already chucked it.” 

“You’re impossible.” 

“I’m just trying to be reasonable,” Lily said primly. “I need to get over it.” 

“Lily, why do you need to? Everyone knows that the two of you are in love, just woman up and tell him, for Merlin’s sake! Make the move!” 

“I can’t, Mare. I can’t tell him. He’s too important,” Lily said quietly. She felt the tears well up in her eyes, and chanced a quick look at James across the room. He was leaning against the wall with one shoulder, glass bottle of butterbeer in hand, telling a story that made Emma Vance tip her head back and laugh, long dark hair shiny, reflecting the fairy lights. The sleeves of his burgundy sweater were pushed up to his elbows, and the collared shirt he wore under it was poking out a little, slipping. Vance’s hand was daintily placed on his bare forearm, and he kept looking at it with a wide-eyed expression, as if he couldn’t believe she was touching him. Her head barely reached his shoulder, but he didn’t seem to mind leaning down to say something to her as he spoke directly into her ear. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and nodded. 

Lily felt a tear spill over, and used her free hand to wipe at it quickly. Mary’s face softened, and she quickly gestured for Marlene and Dorcas to join them near the fire, interrupting their dancing. With a nod, they moved across the room. Marlene swiped a half-full bottle of Firewhisky from the table near where Sirius and Remus were holding court, canoodling and telling stories to a group of fifth and sixth years. He glared up at her suspiciously, about to tell her off, then looked in Lily’s direction and kept quiet. He nudged Remus to look too, which caused Peter to glance over.  _ Great, just great; everyone witness my weakness.  _ The three boys dismissed themselves to wander over toward her chair, sitting on the floor by her feet. 

Wordlessly, Lily grabbed the outstretched bottle and took a long drink, setting it down next to her when she finished. 

As if timed, shadow fell over her. 

Marlene was glaring, and Dorcas was shaking her head at him, trying to urge him away. Mary wrapped an arm protectively around her shoulders, holding on as much as she was holding back. Lily felt him -  _ magnets  _ \- move through the room and toward the small group crowded around the armchair, curious. As lucky as she was that their class had always been close, she was resenting them all right now for drawing attention to her and her tears. She wanted to be left alone. She wanted to not have everyone looking at her like she was a spectacle. 

She wanted to not be in love with her best friend, most importantly. 

Sirius caught her eye when she did a quick glance around the circle. He was watching her intently while Remus tried to distract James from his position over her leaning on the back of her chair right near her head. Sirius’s grey eyes narrowed a little at her, questioning the wide-eyed fear in her own, then he nodded his head and looked up at his best friend, his brother, hovering over the assembled seventh years. She nodded, too, though more to herself than in response to him.  _ Time to woman up, Lil.  _

She looked up and directly into his eyes. 

James was staring at her with a look of great concern. It smothered her, and she tried to wiggle out of it, move far enough away that she wouldn’t be overwhelmed and consumed by the look in his eyes, magnified by the reflection of the fire in his glasses. 

“Hello, James,” she squeaked out. 

“Lily.” He looked around, making a point to make eye contact with every one of their friends, avoiding the gazes of everyone else who had stopped what they were doing to watch. Emma Vance stood off the the side, shocked at his sudden change of direction. A group of her fellow sixth year girls gravitated toward her, though whether it was in solidarity or out of habit was unclear. “What’s going on here?” 

Lily shrugged.  _ Nice one, you nutter! _

Mary gripped her shoulder tightly, but stayed quiet. 

He tried again. “Lily, are you okay?”

She ripped her gaze away to focus intently on the hem of her Christmas jumper. “Of course I am, James. Never better.” 

“Not suspicious at all, Flower, really. Wanna try that again?”

Again, she just shrugged, pulling on a loose thread. 

“James, mate,” Sirius piped up. “Maybe you and Lily should take a walk for a bit. Chat.” Mary directed a hard glare at him, and Marlene punched his arm. Lily wanted to Vanish herself, or, at least, fall through the floor.  _ I could just throw myself into the fire. Might hurt less. _

“Well,” James said. He was looking around, angry and hurt; they were making it painfully obvious that something was going on and he was at the center of it. “Shall we then?” 

Lily reluctantly placed her hand in his, allowing him to pull her up and lift her easily over the back of the chair, untangling herself from the mess of limbs they had created. She leaned over, and grabbed the bottle that had been tucked into the chair by her side as an afterthought, then allowed James to lead her out of the Common room and Gryffindor Tower. Sirius shot a grin at her, and she all but threw the bottle at his head.  _ Smug bastard.  _

The corridors were quiet the night before Christmas break. Most people were either preparing for their long trips home tomorrow, or partying in their own Houses, making it a peaceful walk. No one would suspect the two Head students of anything out this late, though both smelled a little of alcohol. Lily blindly followed where James led her, panicking. He pulled her along by the hand until they were outside, walking down the great steps that lead to the grounds. Even though it was mid-December, there wasn’t any snow on the ground; that would come after the holidays in droves that would paint the entire world a sickly white. For now, it was just bitterly cold. Without thinking, Lily pushed herself into James’ space, huddling against him for warmth. He hesitated for a moment, then unlocked their hands to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in tighter. 

Both remained quiet until they ended up at the Quidditch pitch. For once, Lily was surprised at James’ location choice; this wasn’t a place where they had talks that might change their friendship. Personal ones, yes. But not life-altering. 

“Jay, you sure?” 

He seemed to get the gravity of the situation, found it in her eyes and tightly controlled posture. He nodded, releasing her and walking a few paces until he was well into the middle of the large field. Lily followed behind, and sat herself down a few feet from him, not far enough to be rude but enough to fit the tension in the space between them. 

“Wanna tell me what you’ve been hiding from me?” 

For a second, Lily was confused.  _ Can’t you see it all over my face? Can’t you feel it in every word I say to you?  _ Then she listened for a moment, replaying the words back. 

He was angry. 

“Why are you angry?” she asked without thinking. She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. Of course he was angry! She was in love with him! That changed everything about their friendship. He probably thought he couldn’t trust her anymore, that all of it was a lie because she loved him. 

“You’re keeping something from me. Something big enough that all of our friends know. And me, your best mate, is completely in the dark! They watch you like you’re going to fall to pieces at any second! That’s not you; you’re not porcelain. They know that, or they should. I certainly do. And yet, you still won’t tell me. Why, Lily?” 

He was pacing in front of her, hands gesturing wildly before running through his hair then over his face under his glasses. “I’ve been trying for weeks to get you to just look at me and tell me what’s going on. I’ve been giving you space, bringing you your favourite tea from the kitchens when you study, always making sure you're comfortable in the hopes that you might just clue me in to what’s been going on with you. And not it’s apparent that, whatever it is, you feel like you can’t trust me with it. I don’t know why I bother, honestly. Sometimes you’re so closed up it surprises me you even tell anyone anything!” 

“That’s not fair, James.”

“Not fair? What’s not fair is me feeling like I can’t turn the corner without one of our friends whispering about me, or glaring at me! All because of something going on with you. Like…” he paused. “Like Mary! Last night before rounds, she was doting on you so hard, like she expected you were going to burst into tears at any second. And then she starts glaring at me as if I kicked her owl! And it’s all because of some thing going on with you that no one feels the need to clue me in on! I have done nothing here! So why the bloody hell is everyone so pissed off at me? Huh, Lily? Wanna tell me what the fuck I’ve apparently done to earn everyone’s distrust - to earn  _ your _ distrust? Because I’m really fucking sick of feeling like some villain among my own friends.” 

He was seething at her, the veins in his neck pulsing as he shouted and threw his hands about. At one point, Lily thought he was going to pull out his own hair with how much he was tugging on it in frustration. Without realising it, she started to cry.  _ Good one, you big baby. He shouts at you once and you act like the world is caving in.  _

Maybe it was. Lily didn’t know; at this point she didn’t know much of anything about how she should be feeling. Just that she was cold in the early morning hour, and that, somehow, she had screwed everything up. 

He stopped moving when he saw her shocked face, tears streaming freely, and his controlled facade broke, softening as the anger seemed to drain out of him. James bent down to kneel in front of her, taking her hands in his. 

“Lily, please. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know this. Please just tell me what’s on your brain. I’m worried about you.” 

She sat there, dumbstruck. Terrified. Because here he was, this dynamic, incredible person, scared for her. Scared for their friendship. She laughed a bit through her tears, bringing the hand not clutching the Firewhisky bottle to her mouth. 

“You’re really wonderful, you know that? You’re truly just...you’re wonderful. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” 

He looked at her like she was going insane. At this point, she wouldn’t be surprised if she really, finally, was.  

“James,” she started. His face was intense, unblinking as he watched her.  _ Bite the bullet, babe.  _ “I love you.” 

His eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, Lil. I know. I love you too.” 

“No, James, I mean...fucking hell, I just - oh, for fuck’s sake.”  _ Suck it and see, Evans.  _

She kissed him. 

His lips were cold when she met them, parted slightly, as if he was still pleading with her. After a moment, he kissed back hesitantly, softly.  _ Unfeeling.  _ She pulled away, avoiding his eyes, even though she felt him staring at her, wide-eyed, shocked. 

“Lily…”

“Don’t say anything, James,” she said, voice surprisingly steady considering the whirlpool in her brain  _ whywhywhywhywhywhy why did I do this to myself _ . “You wanted to know what was on my mind. Now you do.” She met his eyes briefly and nodded. “Goodnight, Jay. Happy Christmas.”

With that, she stood up. The bottle of Firewhisky was still clenched tightly in her fist from when she had grabbed it what felt like ages ago but must only have been an hour. She considered taking a swig, but thought against it, mostly because she didn’t know if her stomach could take any alcohol; it was already churning and rolling, anxious. She turned around, and forced herself to walk steadily away from James when he didn’t try to speak to her. Lily left him still on his knees on the Quidditch pitch, watching her.

He didn’t follow her.

She made it all the way back to Gryffindor Tower before she let herself cry.

  
  


He had Flooed back to his parent’s house in Dover. She knew this, because that’s always how he got home for Christmas holidays. The school didn’t need endless patrols on the train, and having only one Head seemed sufficient to stop any sort of pre-Christmas mischief the younger students had planned. Lily spent the majority of the ride with Mary, Dorcas, and Marlene draped around her, trying but failing at making her feel better. What she really wanted was to be alone, but she could hardly lock herself in the bathroom without looking hysterical. 

“Lily, you know he would have said something. He was just in shock. You kinda dropped a huge bomb on him last night.”

Lily looked up at Mary, who had been carding her fingers through her friend’s hair up until this point. 

“Mare, as much as I appreciate that, I know what being rejected feels like. It was a rejection.”

“You have to talk to him about it.”

“Maybe if I pretend it never happened, then he will forget it. Or! I can blame it on the alcohol.”

“Honey, this is James. He would never let you get away with that. Besides, he knows you too well. He knows you weren’t drunk.”

Lily groaned. 

Marlene patted her hand. “You can always drop out and move to France.”

“I do love French food.”

“Yeah! And you’ll be eighteen soon, which is really the best time to be in France. Be slaggy, get your kicks in while you’re young.”

“I don’t know French though.”

“Right.” 

“Somehow German isn’t nearly as sexy to build a life around.”

“Well, not with that attitude!”

Lily rolled her eyes, smiling slightly. Marlene reflected the same one back, and Lily squeezed her hand in thanks. 

Out of nowhere, Dorcas tackled them in a hug. Lily’s eyes welled up at the affection.

“Lilybean, we got you. We aren’t going anywhere.” 

Lily nodded, clutching one of the arms around her desperately. “I promise I won’t fall in love with one of you.” 

Dorcas chuckled. “Whatever you say, Red. You know you can’t resist us for too long.”

The four girls stayed in the cuddle pile for a bit, laughing and crying and loving one another, until there was a hesitant knock at the window of their compartment. Lily peeled away, glancing over with her brow furrowed. As far as they all know, most of their other friends weren’t on the train, and those that were had other people they would rather spend time with before Christmas. 

A third year Hufflepuff was looking in on them with wide eyes. When he met Lily’s eye, he waved hesitantly, then gestured toward the compartment door. Lily stood up, wiping her eyes and straightening her robes as she walked to the door and opened it. 

“Hullo,” she said. “What can we do for ya?”

“Lily Evans,” was all he said.

“Err..right. That’s me. You are…?”

“Alexander Dunkirk, ma’am.”

“Well, pleased to meet you, Alexander.” She glanced behind her. Mary was muffing a laugh with her hand, and both Marlene and Dorcas were smiling widely, watching the boy stare up at Lily.

“Can I help you with something?” 

“Oh, no! I just...I was told to give you this,” he said, thrusting a folded scrap of parchment at her. In the corner was a little doodle of a deer, and what looked like an pawprint. She opened it, blanching at the familiar handwriting.

 

**Meet me in the Prefect’s compartment when you get this. We need to talk.**

 

It was unsigned. 

She didn’t realise that Marlene was already reading it over her shoulder, glancing surreptitiously back at her girlfriend with wide, excited eyes. Dorcas nodded as if she somehow knew that the note said without even looking at it. 

Once she got over the initial shock of  _ he’s here? On this train?  _ Lily’s hand ran down the slightly crumpled page lightly, thumb brushing over the ink. In the bottom corner was a little heart. Something had been written there, then promptly crossed out, quill digging deep into the thick parchment. 

“Thank you, Al,” she said without looking away. In the periphery, she saw the young boy nod at her and then scurry away, running down the long corridor of the train to whatever compartment he had been yanked out of.

“Lily? What’s it say?” Mary asked, still sitting on the padded bench of the compartment. Her hands were folded in her lap politely, but her fingers were fidgeting. 

“He wants to talk.” 

Mary’s face remained blank. Dorcas cast nervous glances her way, trying to gauge how she should be feeling about the subject. Marlene was smiling wide, and all but pushed Lily to go immediately.

“Marley, this might not be a good thing, you know. He could just want to yell at me for lying to him.”

“Lily, you didn’t lie! You just didn’t tell him the truth for a while.”

“Technically, that’s a lie.”

“Helps that you were in denial for so long,” Dorcas added, now fully on her girlfriend’s side: Lily should go immediately to him. 

Lily looked to Mary, her voice of reason. “Well? What are you waiting for? Out with you!”

Lily nodded, “Yes, you’re right. I should go,” and gulped. She felt like a prisoner on death row, marching toward her electric chair fate. Slowly, she slid the door of the compartment open, and stepped out into the hall.

Like the previous night, the corridor was quiet. She shivered at the memory burned into her brain, the cold hair on the back of her neck. She let her hair out of its bun, blushing at her primping. She could see Marlene giving her a thumbs up from the compartment, which she returned with a friendly V, and began to walk. 

As she got closer to the Prefect’s compartment, she felt the air slowly start to feel suffocating. Her heart was racing. She was panicking  _ what will he say how mad is it why did i let them convince me to do that stupid Lily stupidstupidstupid. _ She stopped right before the compartment, pressing herself to the wall beside it, trying to catch her breath.  _ It’s just James. He’s your best friend. There is no reason to be afraid.  _

She took the last few steps, and was in front of the compartment. She peeked inside, trying to be subtle. 

James was pacing across the compartment, still wearing his school stuff. His hands were locked behind his back, and he moved with frightening pace, long legs carrying him effortlessly from side to side. His eyes were downcast, brow furrowed. She wanted to smooth her fingers over it, force it to relax.  _ He wasn’t meant to wear a frown. _

He didn’t seem to take notice of her arrival until she knocked. 

He stopped abruptly, head turning quickly to see her. Stupidly, she gave a small wave, dropping her hand almost immediately to push a strand of long hair behind her ear. She exhaled heavily, rolled her shoulders back, and entered the compartment. 

He was quiet, watching her enter the room. At first glance, nothing was different. There was a small bundle of parchment resting on a writing desk that was pushed under the window, right where she had always know it to be. The compartment was doubly as large as any other, meant to accommodate up to thirty people, more if they didn’t mind being in close quarters. The benches were the same polyester red as all the rest, but they were much cushier to sit on. 

James, however, seemed to have decided to do some redecorating. Added to the long benches were tons of pillows in metallic colors, matching but somehow not. Candles were added to the lanterns that lit the room, causing a warm glow to fill the room, paired with a woodsy scent. The floor was littered with paper flowers, Charmed to grow as if real. They appeared behind her as she hesitantly stepped into the compartment.

“Hey,” he breathed out, visibly relaxing. 

“Hi.”

He moved forward, taking one of her hands to lead her to the bench. Mechanically, she sat down. When he sat beside her, arm brushing against hers lightly, she almost started to cry again for a Lily Evans’ record of three times in 24 hours. 

Instead, she turned to him. “James, I’m -”

She was cut off by his mouth on hers, soft but sure. She kissed him back slowly, almost afraid to make a move, as if it would cause him to go bounding off. After a moment, she deepened the kiss, pressing forward, pressing her luck, really. He wound his hands deep into her hair, keeping her mouth to his, and she let hers rest on his chest.  _ This can’t be real. _

He pulled away only enough to look into her eyes, hands sliding down to frame her face, thumbs brushing lightly down her cheekbones to rest right below her jaw. She blinked up at him owlishly, visibly shaken, confused. Her lips were parted slightly, pink from their kiss.

“I love you, Lily Evans,” he said, strong and steady, emphasizing each word in turn. “I have loved you for an awfully long time.”

“James, what are you talking about?” she interrupted. 

He ignored her question, instead pushing on. “You are, and have always been, the most important thing in my life, Lil. I would do anything for you. You must know that. You have to know that.”

She tried to pull away, look anywhere but in his eyes. He held her steady, forcing her to look at him, to not run away.  _ No more denial. _

“Yeah, James. I know,” she said quietly.

“Then how in the world could you not think that I loved you back?”

She turned her eyes away, training them down at the mere inches of space between them. “Last night...you didn’t say anything. You just let me walk away. As if what I did meant nothing. And, I know, I should have talked to you about it first, I just didn’t know how to. In the moment...it felt like the best way to get my point across. The most succinct, at least.” 

He chuckled lightly, still holding her there. She snuck a glance back up at him. His eyes were glued to her face as if he was trying to memorize her. “You kinda took me by surprise there, Lil. Not every day the love of your life throws herself at you.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I didn’t throw myself at you.”

“Kinda did, love. Very bite the bullet.”

“Prat.” He flashed her a shit-eating grin, wide and comfortable. Her heart skipped a beat, and she had to fight down the blush. 

“So. Love of your life, huh?”

“Oh yeah. From the moment I met you.” 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better about making an idiot out of myself.”

“Lily Evans, you impossible, silly girl. I love you, okay? I’m not just saying it to make you feel better, or to make you less embarrassed. I’m saying it because I mean it. Last night...Merlin, Lils, you took me completely by surprise. Never in a million years would I have imagined someone like you loving someone like me. You’re the entire universe in a person, Lily Evans. I’m just some guy who carries your bags and gets you tea when you’re studying. So yeah, love of my life. Welcome to it.”

He leaned in again, kissing her long and slow. A smile spread on her lips, and she dove into the kiss, hands balling in the fabric of his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. He laughed at her enthusiasm. 

“Believe me yet?”

“Nah. Might need another kiss to convince me.”

“Oi! Insatiable woman! I’m trying to be romantic here.”

“Hmm, yes, super romantic. Candles, great. The flowers were a nice touch. Kiss me again.”

He did, wrapping her completely into his arms. They broke apart, and she slid herself completely into his lap, snuggling against his chest like they had done so many times before.

“Took you long enough to realise, you know, Lil. I thought I was going to have to propose to you in the Great Hall to get you to realise.”

“Charming. Dumbledore would have loved that.”

“Oh please, he and Old Sluggy would have married us on the spot.”

“Hmm, I love you, James Potter.”

“I love you, Lily Evans.”

“Remember when we were just mates?”

“Yeah, who’s stupid idea was that?”

“Yours, you great prat! You started all this nonsense.”

“Excuse you! I was the one trying to finish it!”

She pulled away from his embrace only enough to make eye contact with him. “Is that so? Great job you did of that. Efficient work, Potter.”

“Oh, you thought I was just a gentleman, carrying your books and fetching you tea, and lending you all my jumpers all the time?”

“Yes, because that’s what a gentleman does.”

“Then I am afraid I am no gentleman. In fact, I must be a right scoundrel, trying to win your affections with smelly old Quidditch gear and lantern lit dinners in the Kitchens.”

“How very Byronic of you,” Lily quipped, unable to keep her smile away. It spread across her face, almost painfully large. 

“Anything for you, love,” James relied, placing a kiss on her nose. She scrunched it up, grabbing his jaw, hold his face in front of hers. 

“Hmm, love.”

“Yeah. How about that?”

This time, when he kissed her, she felt the world settle a little.  _ Like magnets.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you!


End file.
